IN THE MIRROR

Walking across the room in a hurry

Collecting things for my start,

Cursing the day, in a little worry

Looking at the room, kept in pathetic art…

As I prance from one corner to the other

Losing my self control,

A glimpse of the sight

Catches my mind’s hold…

A glimpse not strange

But certainly new,

Something that is not vague

But is very true…

Scanning from top to bottom

I wonder,

Time has shown magnificent changes

To which I vehemently surrender…

As I stare at the reflection

For many reasons I rejoice,

Because in the bright shadow I see a successful individual

Who always had many choice…

At every stage

Choices were many,

To choose one out of them

Was not easy honey…

Today I don’t regret

For all those loses, failures and hardships,

Because they polished the darker side

Though it was a bitter sip…

What was in store for me

Was very unpredictable,

And the fact that time changes life

Made my journey very stable…

A voice ringing in my ear

Shoo’s my thoughts away,

Calling me back to reality

Reminds me that I still have a long way…

With my realization and discovery put aside

I head towards the voice,

I look at all those people

Who stood by me through my choice…

Today as I look at them

I feel really blessed,

Nobody could have been more lucky

To get such a lovely set…

Heart of heart I murmur

Nothing is for me but everything is for you,

I don’t see myself anywhere

Had you not been there through…

Well guys enough of sentiments

I don’t preach to be a drama queen,

In life if you go down, you do come up

Is what I have seen…

YOUR DAUGHTER

Walking along the busy road
Trying to reach my stop 10 minutes early, I manage
Getting into the bus and grab a window seat
To have a half an hour nap before reaching college…

Putting my headphones under the A.C. I sit
Casually resting with my bag to left I sleep
My mouth half open and head hung low
Ssshhh the sleep is deep…

Half way through I’m abruptly awake
Because the dream I saw
Was ugly,
But not fake…

A dream so correct
But will never turn true
A dream that lucidly shows my mistakes
For which I should repent, trust me I do…

Why it’ll never turn true
Is because you’ll never come to know
Since all happened so privately
And when I confront them now I go low…

I’m being told that
Whatever happened wasn’t a sin
It was just an adolescence fantasy
Bursted by my innocence pin…

Every time I think about this
I’m so disturbed
Damn it!! Where were my senses
And were logics all curbed??...

I’m sorry Ma and Pa
I can’t tell you many things
If only I could delete few chapters of my life
“My life song” happily I would sing…

Not only now but
I would repent for the mistakes whole through my life
As for others these faults are nothing
But they aren’t approved by my conscience…

I promise to you Ma and Pa that one day
“She’s my daughter” with proud you’ll tell
Because now I have become more responsible
And won’t repeat the same mistakes as I have already fell…

From this juncture
I’ll strive to take my life to higher levels
And will prove your worth
Without getting caught in the plot made by “clever”…

Life has given me another chance
Which won’t go in vain
I love you guys so much
I’ll definitely justify your hard work and pain…

UNTAMED LIFE

I pick up my phone to attend the call
Just to hear my friend calling me to her villa opposite to the mall…

Pleading me to make it to her birthday party tonight
To which with sarcasm I reply “yeah right”…

Gushingly I make it to the villa right at 10
To see the place brimming with her friends…

Quickly I sneak in to find the birthday babe
Rolling across the room as if I’m drape…

On my way I’m stopped
Like for once my mind is robbed…

My eyes transfixed reading someone’s gestures
That individual standing opposite to me, unique amongst the present creatures…

For once when our eyes met
The world around us seized…

Many questions raised in my mind
Answers to which were difficult to find…

“Yes!! you are the same one
With whom I thought it was all done”…

Without further delay I moved towards exit gate
Without even thinking about my mate…

All through my way I’m disturbed
Because of that meeting that has made me all perturbed…

I throw myself at a place so lonely
Such that it’s me only

Sitting there I get reminded of days when we were best buddies
For whom it was always joys and no worries…

How without realizing we got so close
But due to fear of losing you I could never disclose…

Disclose, how much I liked you
A feeling that was so true…

How I kept mentioning about my “guy”
A description very similar to you, but sigh…

Sigh, wondering are you really not getting it
Or ignoring it, thinking it’s my wit…

Then, I couldn’t decipher what you were thinking
Because all I knew was that towards you my heart was drifting…

Things changed as we entered last year
Glued to project work and sooo many exams to clear…

Soon were we into our worlds unknown
Reaping benefits of seeds sown…

We lost all contacts and touch
Busy with our lives too much

When I saw you today I realized you haven’t changed
But meeting you today was a little strange…

After looking at me when you stood still
I could sense that same feeling within…

Now all my queries have resolved
Because the tears trickling down my eyes, in your tears they dissolved…

“I’m sorry I just walked off”
Because talking to you now is little tough…

I fear what if the proximity increases and I fall for you again
Now things are not same but have changed…

As things are fixed
I’m someone’s fiancée and you are doing wonders in the career you kissed…

Now there was no way we could get back
Because our lives are running on different tracks…

But somehow I can never forget you
Since willingly we separated each other by the lines we drew…

This love between us is so unique and innocent
And beautiful were the times that together we spent…

LOSE YOURSELF

LOSE YOURSELF

Tearing the sleep my eyelids open
To see you gripped onto your couch
That manly charade covered with innocence
Triggers me to launch…

I cover you with a blanket and kiss your forehead
Quickly do you draw yourself inwards
The ‘you’ now is so charming that
Even your lull speaks a thousand words…

How you have been there whenever I needed you
Sometimes as hanky and sometimes as bolster
Always a shoulder to lay my head and weep
Shooing away my worry monster…

Ever ready to share things
And to celebrate my victory
Surprising me with chivalric gifts
Weaving beautifully my life-story…

You maximized my happiness and
Minimized my pains
Certain was I with you
That noting goes in vain…

Thinking this, tears roll down my eyes
To not have recognized you so far
And I’m wondering whether
I ever can make it at par…

Because all I expected was a mere friendship
And a relationship of beautiful understanding
But you proved yourself
To be outstanding…

How is it that you know me so well
That my needs were met before said
Why are you being so nice without receiving anything
“What if I never like you the way you do?? “ don’t you dread…

I part myself from you, to the groceries
To start with my daily chores and to make you a tea
In the cupboard I find a torn note
Dated 4th July and here it goes:

“Happy Birthday Sweetheart
Enjoy your day fully
And as you wanted
Today is Sunday, thankfully…

All I wanna say is
I’ll strive till the end to win your heart
Because I’m blessed to have you in my life
And all I want is HAMEESHA YOUR SAATH “…

I hear your foot steps
Nearing the kitchen
Hurriedly I crumble the note
And hide it under the ignition…

An assurance that I discovered nothing
And everything is the same
We have the morning tea
And begin with our daily game…

Within an hour you leave home
And now it’s just me and my note
Wondering how do I let out that
I too feel the same as what you wrote…

The day passes and there you return
Weary and tired you enter the apartment
I get you, your evening snack
But today is a little different…

I sit beside you and not diagonally opposite
Unlike the usual “we”
Slowly I hold your hand as I look down
And you look at me…

Turning my neural vocabulary pages
Surprised to find them plain
You wonder what’s wrong with me
That’s strangling my vein…

I with a heavy voice call out to him
And tell him how much I regret to not have understood
That he attended all my frantic calls
And ran up to wherever I stood…

I say this with my head bent
And can see his head lowering too
Trying to make an eye contact
And heart of heart I feel “HOW CUTE”…

He slowly lifts my head
And says in a gentle tone
“Don’t feel sorry and regret
I’m glad you realized it so soon“ …

He continued saying
“This day is very special for me
As I have finally succeeded
And this calls on for a treat”…

Seeing this again
Tears drop down my eyes
Looking at me he smile
Raising his arm to wipe…

Settling down for dinner
It was a different feeling that day
Both of us so damn happy
And with loads to share…

This was a beginning of a new story
A new journey for “us”
And adventure with loads of love, care, happiness
And little fights, drama and fuss!!

SELF RENAISSANCE

SELF RENAISSANCE

Eyes are closed
Hands are joined
I bow my head
And silently cry…

I see myself amidst fog
Fog of dullness miseries and misfortune
Weepy as I ask
“Oh God… when can I hear my summer tune…??”

I know I alone am not suffering
Since many are there in this world
I know “you” wanna make me tougher
I fear what if all goes in vain…

Gradually as I retreat to the door
I’m taken aback
Just to find the door shut
And that I’m trapped…

I turn towards that tiny idol
And wonder in desolation
“Are you with me ?? “
Because this orphan has no habitation…

As nature’s execution is prefixed
Upon me befalls another boulder
I’m standing alone in a dark room
With no supporting shoulder…

I cry aloud
I bang my head
But the vacuum room also
Is turning against the “dead”…

Unconscious there I lay
With no further hope
Towards that structured mud I stretch my hand
Like a dope…

Scornfully I question “What have you done for me ??”
“What are you doing now ??”
“What possibly can you do ??"
“Because like me you’re a corpse too"…

After this utter of yell
The room is in silence
Only a peaceful sound of breath
And emergence of a faint brightness…

With not much time its all bright and sunny
Air filled with fragrance and my breathe as sweet as honey
Unknowingly I’m up, gripped to ground
With my weary wrinkles ripped and mentally strong…

Calls out to me a soothing tune
Surrounds me a veil of care
Gushingly flows within me an energy
And a warning calling “Dare you scare"…

“Honey… life is meaningless;
If it were to be just happiness
And this is not permanent but transient
As, after dawn follows darkness…

Everything you encounter has a purpose,
And everything that befalls isn’t beyond your control
Because hidden beneath is a small lesson
So even when gloomy just tumble and roll…

Never cease you belief in me
Because never will I betray you
I…the creator and destroyer
Will ensure that your downfall is sued… “

A terrible jerk that sheds my dream
And I open my eyes to find an empty train
As I step out on the platform
It starts to rain…

As I walk back home that day
Preoccupied with that strange dream
I enter my apartment
And sit down with my cappuccino that has extra cream…

Sipping my coffee
I feel a little different
Because first time in last 6 months
I feel as if I paid off my hunger rent…

My tummy is filled completely
Refreshed after a warm shower
I proceed to my resting chamber
Cozily I slip into my blanket cover…

Awaken by a new morning
Filled with new hopes and aspiration
I look at the new me in the mirror and say –
“Beware dull and gloomy days… now starts my mission… that is…
YOUR TERMINATION… “

A GIRL’S STORY

As a toddler I crawled around,
People around me to surround…

Timely food, sleep and endless care,
Of which then nothing could I share…

Grew I into a kid,
Still better off and well fed…

Demanded many chocolates and toys,
Playing around with young girls and pulling legs of boys…

Gradually does this innocence dissolves,
As young girl I turn into…

Many problems arise for me to resolve,
Because that phase of life is new too…

My demands conflict my desires,
For the world seem to satire…

Prominent becomes restlessness and impatience that wasn’t my identity hitherto,
Since my apparent rights are against the virtues…

But like passing clouds does this phase pass,
And I turn into a mature big girl…

Big enough to decide between right and wrong,
To match steps with my mum and walk along…

Mature enough to discuss issues that were once adult talks,
And take a road that was supposed to have weird walks…

Today I question how life turned out this way,
How this fetus grew up this way…

What I learnt is endless in this journey so far,
Which has certainly put me at par…

Exuberant am I for this wonderful experience,
But hold on there is more to this unfolded suspense…

***

SOMETHINGS I NEVER THOUGHT !?!

Some unfamiliar face,
Becomes so important in life…
Hobbies doesn’t interest anymore,
And heart longs for the person’s sight…

You are assured your loopholes are overlooked,
And there is someone to always cheer you…
Nostalgic you get in his absence,
And at such point your mind question’s “is this all true ?? ”

Is it really gonna work,
Does this relation actually have a worth…
Will years down the line you won’t drift apart,
Are you sure this isn’t hollow and dearth…

Mind plays rapid fire,
Silence adds fuel to the fire…
Heart starts imagining unworthy scenarios,
Entire world swirls faster than truck’s tier…

Suddenly you feel lonely and isolated,
And millimeter grows into kilo meters…
Life seems useless and desolate,
Is there nothing that could make things any neater ??

Seeing you low some enjoy,
Some are ignorant and don’t bother…
And some for courtesy sake come and cry,
But that someone stands behind you, waiting for you to turn and vent out your worries and fears…

In the longing of someone to come and ask you,
You surpass the one who is ready…
You never went and shared,
And you complained that no one was steady…

That one familiar face,
Stands with hanky and his shoulder…
But your pre-occupied mind induces inertia,
You resist sharing, wondering what if this brings cracks in the boulder…

Fearing what if sharing ruins my life,
What if the idea of being his gal takes a turn…
Fear of being rejected takes toll,
And all this ill treasures within you burn…

One day out of blue you blurt things out,
Unable to bear the pressure…
On that unfamiliar face you shout,
Just to see, that, calm and composed face with a soothing smile as ‘your treasure’…

In a soft tone he calls out your name,
And says “baby never think all this, I’m there for you always”
For once your heart skips a beat and everything adds on to your fame,
You want world to come to a standstill, moment to stop and desire this ambience to stay…

That feel of warmth,
The touch of security…
The assurance of love,
And that sense of maturity…

At that point you don’t crib to have misunderstood that ‘someone’,
Rather you thank your transient mood…
That made ‘your’ unfamiliar face so special,
In return you get a moment of celebration, a display of true care that no one, could…

You get more than you expected,
And you feel blessed…
To have found that ‘unfamiliar face’,
Which became so important in life…

***